The Legislature has not listened to the voice of business, companies such as Hewlett Packard Inc., Micron Technology, Inc., Idaho National Laboratory, Chobani and Clif Bar have now spoken loud and clear that these anti-transgender laws are not good for Idaho. So, I implore the Legislature to hear my story, as a father and a citizen of this state that I love very much.
Like many Idahoans, what I’ve learned about love comes largely from being a parent. They’ve taught me that Fear has no place in the world I wish to be a part of. I was a 39-year older father when my first child was born. Our doctor, without warning, barked out an unexpected order, and then handed me the scissors to cut the cord and welcome a new life in to the world. I cannot think of another moment in my 59 years that carried more responsibility, fear, weight, and sheer joy. Driving home that night from the hospital, I experienced the same realization that every decent parent has felt for millennia: the willingness to sacrifice my own needs and lay down my life for another human being.
In junior high, my child came home to let us know that they were struggling to find their footing, that they were suffering, and that they needed to be true to themselves. What parent would not want their child to discover their true path? I did not always understand what was happening, and I am not sure my young teenager at the time did either. But they let us know that they were gay and still discovering who they were. I struggled once again to understand what that meant, but people who cared about our family counseled me: “It has never been your job to fully understand someone else, but that if you truly love someone, you are there for them, no matter what.”
Being there for someone else without fear is a gift. I’m grateful that I had the opportunity to grow into this role, and be the best parent I could to this kind, smart and honest child. My child’s journey taught me that I needed love more than I needed my own self-centered fears.
Chris’s journey of self-discovery continued through junior high and high school. Sometimes, Chris suffered through times of isolation. Other times, they showed moments of brilliance in writing and art. As a parent I held on with all the patience, acceptance, and heart that my higher power gave me. When I got out of the way and realized that this was Chris’s journey, and I was there to learn from them, things went amazingly better.
Today, I’m the proud parent of a transgender child. Chris has taught me that this is part of who they are. That in order for them to grow and seek purpose in this world, they must be true to themselves and those around them. As a fellow traveler on this earth how can we not wish this for others, especially our children?
Chris has taught me that even as a transgender young adult; they too suffer through biased, fear-based thoughts when they do not understand. He too judges others at times. By Chris telling me that I can admit my fears and seek greater understanding I have become a better human being and yes, a better father.
Two weeks ago, Chris and I went down to the Ada County Court House and Christopher’s name was officially changed by Judge Lynnette McHenry. Both parents stood next to him as we proudly heard the court give Christopher a chance to live his true life, a life that will be full of changing tides, risks, love, and bias, and hopefully, eventually, acceptance and community in a state that will aspire to “be there for him, and all of us, no matter what.”
I write this letter, so that perhaps Idaho’s senators, and our compassionate Governor, Brad Little, will look at how our fears can be overcome by a greater calling. Maybe in the sunlight of the spirit, love and understanding for others will prevail. I am asking that our Idaho legislators do the next right thing and vote down anti-transgender bills 500 and 509. If they won’t, I ask Governor Little use his veto power to stand up for our better selves, so that people like my son can call Idaho home now and in the future.
