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Dear Minerva:

I have been starting to have problems reaching orgasm during sex. I never had this issue historically and I can’t say that it doesn’t bother me. I am super self-conscious about it. Especially with new partners. The past year it hasn’t been something I have really needed to explain to anyone because I was really cautious and pretty much abstained throughout 2020. Now I am starting to test the dating waters since I am vaccinated. I have met someone and I don’t want her to think that I don’t find her attractive. I’m just feeling like she’s going to resent it if I‘m not able to climax. She’s absolutely stunning and I want her, but my body just doesn’t cooperate.


No Big Finish

Dear Finish:

There are a lot of reasons why reaching climax can be difficult. From the sounds of it, it isn’t about arousal. Medications, stress, anxiety, mental health - there are so many things that make it hard to cross the finish line. What I suggest to you is to stop thinking of it as a “finishing line.” Sex shouldn’t be solely about the orgasm. Focusing on enjoying the intimacy you have with your sexual partner is more important. Chat with your doctor about any medications or underlying conditions that might be keeping your “big finish” at bay. Having a reason, and a reasonable expectation, makes everyone relax a whole lot more. As Mae West once sang, “A guy what takes his time, I’ll go for anytime.” Don’t rush to get where you are going and you’ll both enjoy the trip a whole lot more. She’ll know you want to be there and she’ll appreciate the attention to her needs.

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