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Dear Minerva:

I am happily monogamous. We are doing great. I feel comfortable and supported in our relationship and I am not looking for anything outside of what we have. We both agree on that too. I have several long term friends that I still text a lot and sometimes our topics stray to sexual things. Not necessarily between us but about sex and sometimes we get opinions on pics and things. I wouldn’t call it sexting but it is sometimes risque. I don’t see it as a problem. However, I sometimes wonder if it would be if my partner got the wrong idea about it. I am not sure what to think. I need the morale boost sometimes of positive feedback and to still feel desirable.

Sincerely,

SMS

Dear SMS:

On the topic of flirting and noticing other humans are attractive, Dolly Parton said, “I’m married. Not dead!” I think this is a good philosophy on life. It isn’t wrong to want to be desired or to be thought of as attractive. Sometimes our friends are our best hypers. If your texts with these folks aren’t being done in the goal of getting off, I don’t see them as a problem. Flirtation and affirmation are not, to me personally, a moral issue. Every relationship is different and it is up to you and your partner to decide what rules to play by. Hopefully they are rules that don’t rob one of the platonic pleasantries that so enrich our lives.

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