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Ghosts of Relationships Past

I recently read an article that said people are having more vivid dreams during quarantine. A frequent theme is being trapped or stuck in an emotional situation. The author said this is a result of processing difficult emotions as well as getting more sleep. I tend to agree with her because my dreams are all over the place these days and I am averaging eight to nine hours of sleep a night, which is a personal best for me.

In the last however many weeks that I have been trapped at home, I have revisited almost every relationship I have had in the last 20 years in my dreams. And let’s just say majority of them are not worth revisiting. I feel like I am in A Christmas Carol and the ghosts of relationships past are haunting me and forcing me to reflect on my life. Isn’t it enough that I can’t leave the house and have to wear a mask to go to the mailbox? Shouldn’t I be spending those eight to nine hours blissfully dreaming of beautiful beaches and brunches with friends? Why am dreaming of being in bed with a man who broke my heart? How is it fair to be fantasizing of being married to a man I let slip through my fingers and watching our fictional children play in the yard?

I can’t decide if this is some sort of sign to emerge from quarantine with a new outlook on relationships or if I need to start stalking my exes on social media to see if they are living their best lives without me. Am I the Scrooge in this scenario that has kicked one too many Tiny Tims to the curb and will now die alone? Or have all the online workouts, long walks and eBooks transformed me into a better person? Will I now be swiping right on more men to give them a chance when the pre-quarantine me would have skipped right past them? Have you found yourself in the same dreamy haze? Has quarantine made you think about the way you lived your life pre-pandemic? Cheers to emerging from this experience as better people!

—A.S.

Email me at anonymouslysingle@boiseweekly.com or follow me on Instagram @anonymouslysingle.

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